I\u2019ve decided to conduct an experiment. It\u2019s one I\u2019ve really already started, just not consciously. It\u2019s outrageous, outlandish, and might just make me the laughingstock of the PTA and readers of \u201cparenting\u201d magazines worldwide. It\u2019s an experiment called \u201cacting as if my child is just a smaller, less life-experienced adult\u201d.<\/p>\n
Now you might be thinking this is about \u201creasoning\u201d and \u201cexplaining\u201d and all the other \u201ckinder, gentler\u201d neo-nanny ways of dealing with children that all the movies make fun of. And you\u2019d be right, sort of, but with a twist. This experiment isn\u2019t about reasoning, explaining or really any action at all, it\u2019s simply about a contextual shift. A shift in how I look at my child. I\u201dm going to pretend that she\u2019s another person living in our home and whose needs, wishes and feelings are all as important as ours. What?! You mean she gets to eat candy all day and watch cartoons and stay home from school and it\u2019s ok if she tells you to go take a flying leap when you tell her to situp straight?? No, I\u2019ve seen that experiment. It\u2019s called the \u201cbig sap let\u2019s little person walk all over them so their child will be their friend\u201d trial. No, this is just taking a look at our children and \u201ccross referencing\u201d how we\u2019d feel or treat each other as adults in similar situations. Here are a few observations and ideas going forward with this experiment:<\/p>\n
1. Importance: The notion that because we are more highly skilled and go out and work, that our time and activities are more important. This is an easy one to keep and defend. I mean, hey, the kids wouldn\u2019t even SURVIVE if it weren\u2019t for our dilligence and discipline and willingness to slave away all day \u2026 and so forth and so on. So here\u2019s another way of looking at it. How important must a child be to have TWO adults, whose most important, critical job in their whole lives is the care of this one, little person? Not to mention the babysitters, nannies and teachers involved. Do you have that many people who\u2019s purpose in life is to make sure you have everything you need??<\/p>\n
So my experiment will involve acknowledging that my child does not yet have the education, knowledge and wisdom to share equally in the decision making but to also help her acquire those things and still involve her. So that she feels like she\u2019s truly a part, I will explain to her why her wishes are or are not being honored and take the time to help her feel like she\u2019s truly a part of whatever decision we\u2019re making. I will also really listen to what she says, the same way I listen to my wife (when I\u2019m being a good listener!! And she lets me know when I\u2019m not!!)<\/p>\n
2. Displays of emotions
\nOur current belief goes something like this; \u201cwhen a child cries, pouts or throws a tantrum, they must be punished or sent away to their room to show them how innappropriate that behavior is.\u201d Now I think we\u2019re on the right track, but missing the other half of the equation. We must also show them HOW to deal with their emotions in a society that is \u201cuncomfortable\u201d with emotional displays as well as assure them that their feelings are 100% appropriate.
\nThis is a really important one to seriously look at. It\u2019s been ingrained in us generation after generation. Children are to be seen and not heard, I\u2019ll give you something to cry about and I don\u2019t want to hear it are all belief system phrases that frankly, we inherited from our parents, grandparents and those around us. They are part of that 90% of imprinted beliefs that make up our lives. Now that\u2019s not to say that children don\u2019t ACT innapproprietly when they\u2019re pissed. We live in a society where you just cannot scream and cry immediately whenever you don\u2019t get your way. This is probably the single most unhealthiest aspect of Western civilization. The fact that we cannot say \u201c@#$! you\u201d when someone says or does something that we feel angry about. I am convinced that if we could simply tell people to go (blank) themselves when we\u2019re pissed at them, our murder and domestic violence statistics would drop by 50% in one week. (I am now accepting challenges to this notion!) – But, the way our society is setup is a \u201cgreater\u201d reality and we have to work within the greater reality or become a martyr. I choose the easier \u201cwork within greater reality\u201d scheme for this experiment.<\/p>\n
So the key is to help my child BOTH understand that there is a time, place and method to EXPRESS emotion and also that it\u2019s ok to feel the way they\u2019re feeling and that they have every right to feel that way and to HELP them and ENCOURAGE them to express those feelings in an appropriate venue.<\/p>\n
Well, I hope this was helpful. It certainly was to me! We get by giving, teach what we have to learn and on and on! Off to start my experiment. What?? You want me to play barbies with you??? Are you out of your mind? I have important WORK TO DO!!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve decided to conduct an experiment. It\u2019s one I\u2019ve really already started, just not consciously. It\u2019s outrageous, outlandish, and might just make me the laughingstock of the PTA and readers of \u201cparenting\u201d magazines worldwide. It\u2019s an experiment called \u201cacting as … Continue reading