How to really see a woman. A response to “Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son”, by Nate Pile
I came across an article shared on Huffington Post, about the objectivization of women by men. This post summarized a “planned conversation” that a father promised to have with his son if he ever caught that son looking “inappropriately” at a woman. The article should still be linked here: https://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/
I believe this article had fantastic intentions, that being to help elevate a young man’s view of women as equal human beings, and not objects to be leered and whistled at. But I think a little differently about all this and I’d like to share it here for your thought…
First, I express this alternate view with an open-hearted love for women everywhere. I am a happily married man (actually head over heels in love married) and I have a teenage daughter, both of whom I’d feel privileged dying for 1,000 times over.
I believe that the very nature of any male / female relationship is based on sexual attraction, first and foremost. By this I don’t mean necessarily centering on the sex act itself. What I mean is that there is a powerful polarity of attraction between the male and female energies. We men, as vessels of masculine energy, are inherently attracted to vessels of feminine energy.
I believe that to teach a boy to “rise above” his nature, and to only look at a woman’s eyes (i.e. “I’m up here!) is a dangerous travesty. It is not a “rising up”, but a denial of his very masculine sexual essence, his core, and denying it does a grave and profound disservice to him and whatever women he comes in contact with. I would teach a son to really see the woman as she is. A beautiful fountain of feminine energy. Not to be leered and gawked at but certainly to be appreciated. The essence of the interaction might feel something like this: “Wow, you’re so danged beautiful. Just look at you! Did you come into this room just for me? Thank you for lighting up this room! And so a woman should be looked at, seen as a WOMAN first and a HUMAN BEING second. Looking at her eyes in the context of avoiding looking at her curves is being “neutral”. A word that comes from the same root as “neutral” is “neutered”.
One of the most common observations that women of Central & South America make upon spending time in North America is that the men are “feminized”. Instead of embracing their male sexual essence, they are buying into this new notion of not “objectifying” women. God help me for opening my mouth and claiming I know what a woman really wants, but here goes: Women want to be seen. Fully. Completely. They want to be celebrated. And they don’t necessarily want us men to only look them in the eye and see them as a neutral human being or “equal”. I should take a second to clarify that I’m not endorsing leering, whistling, and “hitting on” women, or any behavior that makes a good, healthy woman feel uncomfortable. The fine line between appreciating and completely objectifying can be gray at times and is outside the scope of this article to address.
That said, we are focusing too much on “what we have in common.” I say to you all: What makes us different is just about ALL that matters between men and women. It’s the differences that make the magic and create the polarity, the irresistible attraction that is responsible for nearly every skyscraper, bridge, best-selling novel, epic love poem, top 10 song, and priceless work of art since the beginning of time. Anything else is just dangerously interesting conversation.
A man can appreciate and really “check out” a woman without it being inappropriate or “cheap.” For me a feminine woman is like a breeze, sometimes warm, sometimes cool. She doesn’t’ even have to be “beautiful” or “hot” in the clasic sense, as long as she’s feminine. I love my wife and would never cheat on her or do anything to make her feel uncomfortable, jealous or insecure. But I love being around women because it’s like sitting on a rock on the shore on a blistering day and having this cool breeze wash over me. I deny that when I just look in her eyes and refuse to appreciate the artistic expression of her curves, her radiant feminine shine, the way she tilts her head, and shows the graceful curve of her neck. I love their giggles and unfocused energy. I love to try to be a strong enough vessel, and provide solid enough “riverbanks” to allow their energy … their torrential flood of femininity to shine, to flow, to play like little girls in a sandbox in the warm sun and my God, that is so rejuvenating. We sin when we allow that appreciation to be focused only on thoughts of bumping and grinding, or the opposite: feeling like we’re not being enlightened men because we let our eyes stray south of her neckline. My own wife, faithful to a fault, often says, “Hey, we’re married but that doesn’t mean we’re dead.” She appreciates the dance of these energies as much as I do, and doesn’t apologize for it.
If every man looked at women like this, first and especially his own wife or girlfriend, we wouldn’t dream of having talks like this with our sons.