The basic “ego” agreement: The Ego is sort of our “identity” made up of all our drama and stories. The spirit simply says “I am”, while the Ego says “I am a 29 year old successful professional with a Mercedes, good taste, blah blah blah”. The most important thing to the Ego is being “right” or “better”. This is what gives the Ego life. Being “wrong” is a kind of death to the ego and as such, the ego will do all sorts of neat little things to thwart it. This would explain, in dazzling clarity, some of our puzzling behavior. Many of us appear to want to be “right” more than we want to be “happy”. The ego indeed will choose intense discomfort over the death of being wrong. The ego takes comfort in failing at a home improvement project if part of its story is “I can barely change a light bulb”. How about some more ingredients for the Ego’s story like “I always seem to screw up relationships just when the other person starts to love me”, or “Why save money when there’s always someone down the road to take it away from you anyway”. When you look at the Ego’s construct from this point of view, can you see some logic to the way we act?

Dearest child, these are the agreements that we live by. We are all equally responsible for creating them. They would vanish in an instant if we decided that they no longer served us. Very few of us are consciously aware of them. At first, they might seem rather depressing. But they are simply a result of us believing that this world and this life are all that there is. We were playing a sort of make-believe and then, somehow began to take it too seriously and now we believe it all to be real. But your job in this life will be so much clearer and pleasurable if you are aware of them because you can use them and live “within” them when you need to without believing them. You can also help others wake up from the dream and join you. You can still “fit in” and be wild and free in your heart. Don’t be surprised though if you stop wanting to fit in once you truly grasp who you really are. I have also included a list of “truths” or “alternate” agreements so that you can stay on course. Remember, the secret is to take ALL the responsibility. Pretend you created it ALL, and then you can help change it. Don’t feel bad about creating it all, though. Just pretend you made it all up.

Krishnamurti said it beautifully, as countless others before and after him. As long as we have one shred of anger, hatred, jealousy, fear, sorrow left within us, then each one of us is responsible for every single war going on in this planet.

The Big “Shhhhh” agreement
Because these agreements, when written or spoken out loud, would seem sad and silly, we agree to not talk about them because if we talk about them no one would believe them and we’d all begin to stop pretending. If the agreement gets too silly, we will quickly get rid of it and try to forget about it as quickly as possible so we can go on pretending.

Ego - Us
you are your body, your mind, your accomplishments and your possessions, and to a great degree, your past
You have an Ego and a spirit, but the ego is your real self and that’s most important.
You have to do things to earn being good and then you are only good as long as you keep doing good (what have you done for me lately?)
We agree that the more we are right, the bigger and better we are, the more “real”, worthy and important we are
We agree to form groups to judge other people as “wrong” for the purpose of giving us more “rightness” and thereby giving our egos more strength and life.
We agree not to acknowledge that even though you and I may judge someone behind their backs, you may also judge me with someone else.
We agree not to tell each other about the hideous gleam in our eyes and how unattractive we are when we’re judging other people.

God
God is someone outside of us - he has a set of rules.
There is no deviation from his rules. You either accept them all, or you go to hell when you die.
We are all born bad because of something Adam and Eve did
Because of what Adam and Eve did, (original sin) We can never be “good” enough for God, we must instead earn his forgiveness by asking for it and accepting that we can only get to heaven through Jesus and that there is only one God.
We are all supposed to simply have faith in the rules of religion. If we question them, we can turn to help from our priests or others who have a better understanding of the rules as long as we’re trying.
If we “question” the rules too much or too long, it means the “Devil” is “knocking on our door” or talking to us.
The fact that God doesn’t just come down and talk to us like a real person is a test
All non Christians are going to hell
Our spirit is something that MIGHT exist but we’re not really sure what it is. We SAY we believe in it because that’s one of the rules of our religion, but truthfully, we don’t wholeheartedly believe it.
Because we’re not really sure what it is, we agree to make it less important than our more immediate reality, like money, work, achievement, etc.

Death
We suspect that something good MIGHT happen to us after we die, but we don’t really believe it. We instead choose to believe that death is an unfortunate thing that we just haven’t become smart enough to beat yet. When someone gets old and sick, we say “they aren’t doing very well”. Because we don’t really believe that death is a beautiful, natural part of life, the following agreements are in place:
We agree not to talk too much about death because we don’t want to think too much about it happening to us.
IF someone does talk about it a lot, we agree to pass judgment on them as weird, strange, or just not socially acceptable. We will do whatever is reasonably acceptable to move them out of our environment so that we don’t have to be made uncomfortable by being reminded of death.
We agree to keep all our conversations about death “arms length”, with some humor to offset the discomfort. We may theorize and get “metaphysical” about it, but we will just stay “light”.
Death is always sad, but the less “ordinary” the death is (too young, too violent, etc.) the MORE sad it is. We will call these deaths “tragic” or “untimely”.
When talking or thinking about death, we agree to mentally “stretch” out the number of years between now and the time we die. This incorrect concept of time might bleed into the rest of our lives in unfortunate ways, but we agree to take that chance to avoid the discomfort that would come from knowing that death could come in just a few minutes.
Because death is an unfortunate thing, we will spend thousands of dollars to have people help us make the death more “clean and attractive and dignified” and to insulate us from uncomfortable thoughts.

Emotions
We agree to get our emotions out alone or with close family.
We agree not to make each other uncomfortable with excess emotion in public.
To enforce this agreement, we agree to openly judge and avoid anyone violating this agreement. We will judge people who openly and immediately express their emotions as undisciplined, weak and possibly even emotionally unbalanced.

Money
Some of these are almost “redundant” but they each have their own flavor.
money is bad because the more dangerous, immoral or illegal a job is, the more money is asked for it.
You should have to work hard and struggle for your money for a long time. If you don’t , you don’t deserve it. This is called “paying your dues” and we agree to judge those who have earned money without paying their dues to add “rightness” to our egos.
If you have too much money, it means you’re greedy OR have an unfair advantage. We can “equalize” our ego to them by coming up with reasons that they have the money and we don’t. (If I had rich parents like him, had no morals or sacrificed time with my family, etc. etc. then I’d be that rich too). We can also take the position of judging something in their lives to be negative, such as a horrible spouse or personal tragedy, then we can say, “he may be richer and more successful than me, but I wouldn’t trade places with him for all the money in the world”. This also equalizes and placates our Ego.
To get rich you have to sacrifice important things like fun, family and purpose
The more money you have, the better person you must be. (this conflicts with our egos and so we must use tools to equalize)
We agree that if a person has more money than us, we will work together to convince ourselves and each other that it is because of something negative, or that the person has something in his life that is negative to balance it out with our state of wealth.
Money and wealth is limited. For you to have more, someone else must have less. This agreement gives birth to another agreement. We agree that because someone else must have less for us to have more, it must mean we are better or more deserving than they are.

Fun
Fun is something you do in moderation, and even then is always a bit suspect.
If you seem to have fun often, the question is always, “did you earn that fun”, what work haven’t you don’t yet? What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you take anything seriously.

Work - these are not true of everyone, simply those who are not doing what they really want to do, not living their “purpose” in life.
We agree not to remind each other that we’re unhappy doing what we’re doing.
We agree to admire each other based on the things we buy and what we have.
We agree to identify with each other MAINLY but what we do for a living.
We agree that if someone doesn’t talk about their job or possessions, it means they haven’t done very well, and we agree to take comfort in that
To compensate for the fact that we are doing what we don’t want to do, we agree that people who “work” are more important and worthy. The more hours or unpleasantness a person endures, the more we agree to canonize and admire them. This is the “martyr” agreement.

Approval

Sex

Beauty

One of the men, who’d been in the circle for a long time brought up the THREE CHOICES that you face when something in your life is not to your liking. They are, in order of “low to high” on the purpose and power scale:

1. Bitch about it endlessly and stay

2. Accept it and either stay OR leave

3. Do everything in your power to change it.

He went on to talk about the first choice being unacceptable and how we get “mired” and stuck there. Once you are conscious of the 3 choices, you can quickly move out of option one, especially now that it has been exposed by the light of day as a very … ‘yucky’ … choice.

Now I think it’s important to mention that #2 is really quite and acceptable option in many cases. It requires strength and resolve, and often times option #3 is unavailable. So this is where the old “serenity prayer” comes in. Getting to what’s within your power to change, and having the courage to change it.

So that’s it. Short but packed with enough information and insight to at least make you sit up and say HMMMM!!

Who am I? Beelzebub? God? The latest Xbox?? No! It’s just me, average global citizen. I did it. I caused everything, everything, everything in my world. I am at cause for all joy, grief, beauty and every glorious or heinous act east of the Mississippi, and my name is NOT Legion!

So this article is another twist, though more direct, on the time tested quote “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

We all ask ourselves why the world is the way it is. We watch the news, read the paper, hear bits of conversations and from the appearances of it all, we’re helpless bits of flotsam in a turbulent, horrible, violent world just careening toward eventual self destruction!

What if I told you that it’s ME? Or now that you’re reading this article, what if I told you that it was YOU that are at cause? I’m convinced that everything exists because we collectively decide that it does. We either decide world reality by “abdication”, “active participation”, or “unconscious participation”.

Active participation is when we actively contribute to whatever our reality is and either accept it OR rationalize our contribution.

An example of abdication would be sitting and watching the news and seeing that the local school is going to cancel their music program and saying “what a shame, I hope they beat that!”. Abdication is the realm of “It’s not my job”, or “what can little old me do?”. Active participation is when we actively contribute to whatever our reality is and either accept it OR rationalize our contribution. So it can be either “Active” or a cross between active and unconscious. Examples might be knowingly purchasing a tobacco stock knowing that they contribute to x number of deaths per day. “How can purchasing 100 shares of Altria Group contribute to death and disease??” Hey, you’re a part of it, my friend, and in the realm of “subjective reality” and the “law of attraction”, SIZE does NOT matter! Unconscious participation is simply “not knowing that you don’t know”. Purchasing 100 shares of a cigarrette company and truly NOT getting that you’re helping to fund them and keep them alive. Ignorance is bliss, you know!

So every time you find yourself muttering about the condition of the world, or thinking how nice it would be if everyone got along better, there was less pollution or the Sox won the pendant again, make sure that your thoughts, words and deed support that wish. “Be the change” is one of those timeless bits of wisdom that got swept under the carpet by the broom of apathy and it’s time we honored it and reaped the rewards.

For some more thoughts on creating your reality, spend a few minutes reading these articles below by Steve Pavlina about subjective reality and reprogramming reality.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/05/subjective-reality-qa/
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/05/reprogramming-reality/

Until next time
Cheers!

I had some questions a few months back about the law of attraction and just how it “all worked” - here’s some of that conversation below:

Q. How can we erase or reduce past karma? I’ve heard that we must pay our karmic debts. Does this mean, literally, that if I sewed “100 lbs of misery” in my past, that I must also endure “100 lbs” back or am I being too literal?? A. Karma is not some mysterious woo-woo, it is simply action. And for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Action simply is, it is neither good nor bad. Those are simply our own value judgments. (ego) They do however tend to carry the vibrational “colour” we gave them. Thats where the apparent values come from.

How the universe will balance and return your actions is unfathomable as its such a complex web of interactive actions. Just your choice of which corner to turn at will interact with and rebound off dozens of other actions. So don’t even try to figure it out.
Really, its not so much what bad you did but what you’ve done to fight the flow, to resist whats coming into your life. Its about NOW. Resistance is what creates stress and much of disease or the opportunity for disease. When we let go of those resistances, we release a big load we’ve carried and we get back in the flow. Action flows smoothly, the past resolves, and we find it easier to be in the flow as we can see the responses.

Now, even though there is no “good” or “bad” that way, our responses to them will give them a vibration for us. As Amy mentions, Power vs Force talks about the various vibrational levels of different feeling values. When we respond with lower values, we cause those values to loop and cycle back over and over, creating grumpy repeaters in our life. The lessons to be learned if you will. When we respond with higher values, we can resolve the old actions and the energy dissipates or is raised in value. What repeats then is the higher value. The good stuff flows.

Q. what are some ways of tackling some really persistent negative thoughts and daydreams. (bad things happening to people you love, doing things you know you would never that would wreck your life, etc.)

A. For one, don’t resist them. Allow. “What you resist persists”. All thoughts are normal. Judging is mind. Allowing may let the issue behind them surface or allow the process to resolve itself. But at the same time, don’t give them energy or attention either. Let them go. Background noise. Give your attention to something that raises your vibe. Someone walks by you on the street who’s very smelly. Is there any use it fussing about it or dwelling on it? Does it help you or them? Why would you want that back?? Hey - would you look at that tree! Magnificent…

Q. Sometimes it feels selfish and I get panicky focusing on keeping self feeling good. What am I forgetting as a father, husband, etc? Any thoughts?

A. Ego guilt. Fear of loss of control. Its your ego speaking, judging. Be gentle on yourself. You really are doing the best you know how. We all need to learn to forgive and love ourself. We may first have to forgive some of those around us. Only then can we loose that crap.

And I guarantee you that if you are feeling good, you’ll be a better father, husband, etc. Just ask yourself - would you rather be with a grump or an inspiration?

Q. If I’m feeling shitty about something I did, what’s the highest course? I don’t want to ignore it. I mean, I want to make sure I take whatever steps I can to learn from it and move on, but I don’t want to get stuck in guilt, remorse and fear.

A. Why do you feel its important to feel badly? You can’t change the past. You can’t change others. Its only you that you can work with. And only now. Feeling badly for the smelly person or the wrong action does not help anything. If anything, it will help you to repeat it again next time. You are much less likely to speak sharply if you are feeling good. But if you’re busy feeling badly about the past, thats where the present will be too. The ego is heavily invested in repeating the past as that keeps things the same. It likes that homeostasis. Even if we’re miserable, thats what it knows, so it wants more of that. Thats what makes change tricky.
Q. What is best, simply intending and forgetting or revisiting our intentions daily or regularly? It seems that sometimes when I intend of even THINK or WISH about something in a “fleeting” manner, it comes about more easily.

A. (david on bleep) Well - part of an effective manifesting technique is letting go. Allowing. So if the initial setting is done well, forgetting can be useful. But if our mind does not forget and regurgitates it, hashing and trashing it, then the effectiveness is lost. Or if the intention was uncertain, then its just another thought.

I unintentionally used this process to manifest quite a bit of $ with the Secret cheque thing (see Files)

On the other hand, reminders every day on intentions keep them in the awareness and can help keep us positive. But if we hold on to them then that can get in the way of results. Or if we consider them every day but vacillate around them, again we can stumble.

***Also later said that the “magic” is in the surrendering and yes, it is easier to do it with those things you are less “attached” to, like parking spaces, etc.

Q. Why can’t we just undergo hypnosis to change our beliefs? A. I would say that you can. Let’s try it!!

And a few more …

1. If by the laws of attraction / intention, we can only affect “our space” or “our experience”, where does the power from “prayer for others” come in? Wouldn’t our prayers fall on deaf ears? Can you explain that in more detail with an example or two?

See this thread for some great feedback http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/intention-manifestation/2270-questions-sticking.html?highlight=questions but basically, it boils down to this: No, you cannot directly manifest something into someone else’s life, but in the instance of my children, say, if I’m constantly worrying and projecting those fears onto my children, then they might assimilate those fears and THEY might manifest those things into their lives somehow. Now about the prayer for others part …

2. Can we actually get to the place where we control our “beliefs” so strongly that we can “fly” or “teleport” or all the other crazy wonderful things that we gave up when we were little girls and boys.

Yes, absolutely. Although it is not easy, it is definitely possible. The way to prove this to yourself is to ask yourself this question “What could I manifest, that right now I consider impossible, but if manifested via LoA it will prove to me that impossible things are manifestable, yet at the same time the manifestation will not ruin my whole world.”

3. Generosity vs. Common Sense: This question is about money, the law and energy of “giving” and “receiving”. I have an “alarm bell” that goes off if my spending habits change. I often experience shoppers remorse so to speak. Now I have always respected this because it warns me when there’s a “change” in my spending habits. (Am I spending too much, did I really need that, etc. etc.) - However, having been indoctrinated into a newer “abundant” way of thinking, I ask if this “alarm bell” context is in direct conflict with abundant type beliefs like “Hey, there’s more where that came from!”. So the real question is, how do I “reconcile”. How do I let go and just give and not worry and yet make sure I don’t spend so much that I put myself and family in a tight place? Can you explain that in more detail with an example or two?

The short answer is to spend whenever you need to spend without going into debt. Secondly, don’t spend money because you have money. A lot of people who have money in their pockets can’t help themselves but spend it on crap they don’t want or need because the money is burning a hole in their pockets. THeir lack mentality makes them think “If I don’t spend it now, it’ll be gone tomorrow.”

Don’t do that. If you have $5000 for example, and don’t want/need anything, don’t buy it. If you want/need something, and it costs less than $5000, then buy it. If it costs more, manifest it. Don’t even bother trying to manifest the extra money for it, just manifest IT directly. For example if you want a TV that costs $6999 and you only have $5000, don’t go into debt for the remaining $1999, but instead just focus on manifesting that TV. The universe will then either 1) Give you the other $1999 needed or 2) Lower the price of the TV co-incidentally to $5000. Just be careful when you ask for the TV to ask for a NEW TV like that if that’s what you want, otherwise the universe might send you a used one for $5000 or a demo model or something. Be specific. 4. similar to 3d question. I find myself paying more than my share simply because I know I’m better off financially. (yes, I know this as fact, not just assuming) - I feel generous when I’m doing this, and I don’t make a big deal out of it, but by “not asking” for gas money, or allowing someone to pay for lunch, am I “blocking” the law of giving and receiving?? Can you explain that in more detail with an example or two?

I have given money and resources to people on a lot of occasions and in the total spirit that we are equals, and I just happen to have $ at the moment so I paid for something. No second thought even entered my mind. I didn’t think any less of the person or anything like that. In fact, I saw it as a priviledge to do this. However, there have been times when I didn’t “give” when there was an opportunity to “give” simply because my intention wasn’t aligned properly and there would have been negative energy associated with the money.

5. This is one that has, in the past, stumped me often. On one hand, based on the law of attraction, you don’t want to spend time thinking about “that which you don’t want”. However, I’ve done lots’ of soul searching and discovered some things about my character and personality that I wish to “fix” or “transcend”. So far simply “intending to be free” of these is all I’ve come up with. I’ve also heard simply looking at it, admitting it, and then “letting it go” works. Can you explain that in more detail with an example or two?

Looking at what’s “wrong” with you is a good way to come up with contrast. For example, sitting down and writing out an honest statement like “I am fat.” if that’s what pops into your mind is ok. If it’s in your head, it’s ok to become aware of it. It’s already dancing around in your head anyways. Once you discover or become aware of the labels you’ve given yourself, ask yourself what you really want. In this example, you might first think “I am skinny.” but then realize “Wait, I don’t want to be skinny, I used to be skinny and people used to make fun of me all the time and I hated that..hmmm…. maybe what I really want is an ideal body weight of ____lbs, or a specific body fat % of ___ %”. Once you pick what you want, write it out in the present tense. Don’t say “I want to have 12% body fat” because you won’t manifest 12% body fat, you’ll manifest the WANT of being 12% body fat. Instead, say “I am now moving towards 12% body fat in an easy way.” or “I am now 12% body fat.” if you prefer.

Use your current labels as a starting point to tell you what you DO want. Don’t try to do “I don’t want to be fat” as a manifestation, as the universe doesn’t think in negatives like that. After all, how do you manifest “I don’t want to be fat”? Could the universe then say “Ok, your wish is my command, you’re not fat anymore, you’re now a dying cancer patient that has lost 100lbs of weight in 2 months.” or something like that. As a precaution, I also don’t ask “I want to lose 20lbs” because to me I’m afraid I might lose a leg or something. I always try to qualify exactly what I want as in “I am now getting healthier and healthier and my body weight is rapidly moving towards it’s ideal weight of ___lbs.” or something of that nature.

I would like to thank especially “David” from the “What the Bleep” Yahoo Group as well as a couple of posters from both Stevepavlina.com (law of attraction posts) and the Intenders of the Highest Good

Friendship? Competition? Watch each other’s back?

I propose there is one paramount, over riding all-important purpose that we are meant to be to one another and that is a purpose I learned in my Sterling men’s group as a member of Men’s Division International. Our purpose to one anohter is one of “ruthless compassion”.

Ruthless compassion is a state of being. It says “no matter how uncomfortable it makes me, I’m going to tell you what I see in you, and do my best to give you the truth, regardless of how ugly, beautiful or full of consequence it is.”

Ruthless compassion is putting the value of a man’s life above his acceptance of you or his “liking” you.

Ruthless compassion is saying “I’m scared, but here’s the truth anyway.”

Ruthless compassion says “I care, and if telling you you’re fucking up hurts, that’s ok because I care too much to keep my mouth shut.”

Your gut knows whether this is true or not, doesn’t it? Be careful how much you think about it. Once you accept the truth of it, there’s no going back! Until next time, when you drink the water, remember the men who dug the well.

I liked Clint Eastwood’s rules.
Also at that time, I happened to pick up a copy of Men’s Journal. Clint Eastwood was on the cover and an article featured 10 items called “Clint’s rules.” I found his rules to be interesting. They were things like, “You are what you drive,” “avoid extreme makeovers,” and things like that. As Clint Eastwood is a pretty easy guy to respect, I thought the whole rule thing was pretty cool. And the more I thought about it, I realized that over the years I had accumulated a number of principles (or rules) that I tried very hard to adhere to — and these rules (in many ways) have become the foundation for whatever successes I’ve had.

So, a few weeks before the meeting, I sat down and started typing — in no particular order — the rules I try to live by. At the breakfast meeting, I read my rules at the end of my presentation. The response was amazing. I was swamped with requests for copies of the rules. An edited list was published in the Arizona Republic newspaper a few days later. I was even called and interviewed by a local radio station about the list.

Since then, some of the rules have been edited, some consolidated, and a few new ones added. Despite those changes, the list of rules I presented that morning are pretty much what appears at the end of this post.

My rules come from the significant life events I’ve experienced.
As I write this, I am now 54 years old, and during my life thus far I suspect that I’ve encountered more significant life events than most people ever dream about. Here’s some information about me:

I grew up in a lower middle class family in Baltimore’s inner city. We were always broke. I’ve earned everything I ever received. Very little was ever given to me.

I’ve been working as long as I can remember. Whether it was delivering or selling newspapers, pumping gas, working in construction or in a factory, I’ve always been making my own money.

And, of course, not all life events are happy ones.
I was stood up to be executed during a robbery of a gas station where I was working when I was 16. To my amazement, my would-be executioner could not muster the nerve to pull the trigger. This saved both of us. I lived, and while he went to jail, he did not go there forever. Even though there were other witnesses to the gas station robbery and assault, and other crimes he and a partner committed, I was the only one who testified against them. They both received major jail sentences.

I was with a United States Marine Corps rifle company in Viet Nam for a short while in 1969. As a combat rifleman, I learned several key life lessons that resulted in some of the rules I try to live by. I learned first hand how significant a role “luck” or karma can play in our lives. The rifle company I was assigned to, Delta Company of the 1st Batallion, 26th Marines, operated in the rice paddys of Quang Nam province. We operated on the squad level (7 to 10 of us, depending on casualties), and most every night we left our command post and went several kilometers out into the rice paddys and set up in ambush. While there are many who saw significantly more combat action than me, I did see my share. After 5 or 6 weeks, I was wounded and medevaced to Japan. I returned to Viet Nam several times after that, but came back as a courier of classified documents. Although I requested (at least twice) to return to my old rifle company, the transfer was never approved.

After the Marine Corps, I used the G.I. Bill to attend college, and graduated from the University of Baltimore with a degree in accounting. I attended college mostly at night. After college, I took and passed the CPA exam. I worked only a few years as an accountant. The lion’s share of my career has been spent as an entrepreneur.

I’ve been very lucky when it comes to business.
I started a successful business division for a company called LeaseAmerica. During the four years I was involved with this business, it grew to 84 employees and wrote over $150 million dollars in small office equipment leases. Its success helped redefine how business in that industry is now conducted.

Not long after I started the division for LeaseAmerica, I started a software company in the basement of my house. I started it with the little bit of money I had, and named it Parsons Technology. I owned this business for 10 years, grew it to about 1,000 employees and just shy of $100 million a year in sales. Eventually, we sold Parsons Technology to a company named Intuit. Because my then-wife and I were the only investors, and the company had no debt, we received the entire purchase price.

Shortly after selling Parsons Technology, my wife and I decided to go our separate ways and did the customary “divide everything by two.” I then moved to Arizona and retired for a year. This was a requirement of my deal with Intuit.

Retirement was not for me.
Retirement wasn’t for me, so after the mandatory year passed, and using the money I had from the sale of Parsons Technology, I started a new business. This business eventually became The Go Daddy Group. I started this business from scratch, did it without acquisitions, and developed our own products. In the process, I came spooky close to losing everything I had, and actually made the decision to “lose it all” rather than close Go Daddy. Today, Go Daddy is the world leader in new domain name registrations, and has been cash flow positive since October 2001 (not bad for a dot com). As of this writing, I continue to be the only investor in Go Daddy.

Throughout all of these life events, I came to accumulate a number of rules that I look to in various situations. Some of them I learned the hard way. Others I learned from the study of history. I know they work because I have applied them in both my business and personal life.

And one more thing.
I’ve read many times that original ideas are rare indeed. This is particularly true when it comes to the rules herein. I can’t imagine that any of my rules represent new ideas.

My contribution is that I’ve assembled these ideas, put them to work in my life, and can attest — that more often than not — they hold true.

While I put my 16 rules together in response to a business question, I’ve been told by others that they can be applied to almost any pursuit.

Here are the 16 rules I try to live by:

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone. I believe that not much happens of any significance when we’re in our comfort zone. I hear people say, “But I’m concerned about security.” My response to that is simple: “Security is for cadavers.”

2. Never give up. Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted. Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work. It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity.

3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think. There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be. Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of “undefined consequences.” My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, “Well, Robert, if it doesn’t work, they can’t eat you.”

5. Focus on what you want to have happen. Remember that old saying, “As you think, so shall you be.”

6. Take things a day at a time. No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don’t look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment. You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward. Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new. The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die. Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way. Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide. Remember what General George S. Patton said: “A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

9. Measure everything of significance. I swear this is true. Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate. If you want to uncover problems you don’t know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven’t examined for a while. I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing. When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far

enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around. In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you’re doing as anyone else, provided that what you’re doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair. Life isn’t fair. You make your own breaks. You’ll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems. You’ll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you’ll develop a competitive edge. Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: “You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others.” There’s also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently. It goes like this: “A wise man keeps his own counsel.”

15. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Lighten up. Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There’s always a reason to smile. Find it. After all, you’re really lucky just to be alive. Life is short. More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: “We’re not here for a long time; we’re here for a good time.”

A special word of thanks.
I owe a special thanks to Brian Dunn. When I first wrote these rules down and was thinking about compiling them into a book — that book, like most books I suppose, has been half-done for a while :); — Brian read them and suggested a title. His suggestion was, “They Can’t Eat You.” I like Brian’s suggestion for two reasons: 1. It reminds me of my Dad. I sure miss him; and 2. It’s true. No matter how difficult things get, you’re going to be OK. It’s very important to realize that. Thanks, Brian.

“The above article is included with the permission of Bob Parsons (http://www.bobparsons.com) and is Copyright © 2004-2006 by Bob Parsons. All rights reserved.”

You may be feminized if . . .
(collected wisdom from many men)
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you think learning an arcane language just to order a damn cup of coffee is engaging
(auto parts, stereos, computers, are ok!)
your wife or your girlfriend ever said ‘whatever happened to the man I met??’
you think that you’re not feminized
you find yourself thinking ‘maybe she’s right’
you argue with your woman
you ‘win’ that argument
you struggle with decisions or other people
you ever said ‘I know this is politically incorrect but’
you feel you have to take someone on
you answer the phone every time it rings
you don’t have a place on this planet (a den, cave, sanctum sanctorum) that is absolute, inviolate, and your own, and she knows it and honors it
you want sex more than she wants it
you don’t trust your woman or she doesn’t trust you
you find this web site exasperating or disgusting
you feel that you understand women
you’re afraid of being taken advantage of
you have trouble listening
you do things that trouble you to please others
you have a chip on your shoulder about certain things
you think men should unite and stand up for their rights
you think you should discuss your feelings with your woman
you ever said ‘a real man would’
you find yourself defending yourself
your words say more than your actions
you reveal more by what you say than by what you don’t say
you answer yes/no questions with something other than yes or no
you live alone and have more than 1 bottle (unscented) in the shower
you live with a woman and have any bottles in the shower
you don’t cooperate with your woman
people wonder where you stand as a man
you try to ‘help’ a relationship
you need to buy cologne more than once every two years
your best friend is a woman
you blanch at the thought of cleaning a fish
you think men are violent
you think certain occupations or livelihoods are better than others
the work you do for money is a major part of your identity
you try to fix your woman’s problems or give her advice
you have guilt or shame you can’t do anything about
voice mail systems cut you off before you finish recording your message
you have only a few (or no) male friends
you can’t or won’t help people you don’t like
you feel uncomfortable eating in a parking lot
you spend 1 minute or more in front of the mirror exclusive of shaving in the morning
if you have a comb at all, it gets used more than twice a day
you socks always match
if you think ritalin should be used more widely
if you think your balls are all the masculine credentials you need or want
you experience very much doubt or indecision
you bust butt to save a few bucks - instead of just earning more
you always stifle belches and farts
you enjoy shopping rather than surgical mall strike missions
your negotiations in business are a zero sum game
you’d be unable to horse doctor a person or an animal to prevent worse injury
there is nothing you would die to protect, including 1 or 2 of your own ideals
you’re unable to live up to principles you try to hold others to
you try to give your woman what she says will make her happy
on important matters, you get advice from lots of people
you ignore advice that you paid for
you try to hold anyone other than yourself accountable
you have great, intimate conversations with women who you don’t intend to take home
you wonder what you should do if a woman is abusive to you
your own needs go unsatisfied because you are thinking of others
you feel you communicate well verbally with women
if you think women, more than men, are a force for good in our society
you recoil at the thought of being called a jerk
if you don’t know the difference between a fuel injector and a muzzle brake

Incidentally, there’s nothing wrong with feminized behavior. As men however, feminized behavior that we are unaware of hurts us and hurts those around us. It moves us away from our power. Choiceful feminine behavior can serve us - I heard a man once say that leadership is feminine, and after some thought, I agree. Feminine behavior out of unawareness or ignorance is way ‘unhelpful’ for a man.

Most men and most women have learned feminine roles thoroughly. Women do engage in a lot of masculine practices. Women don’t seem to have any problem integrating both roles without thought.

But men who don’t learn masculine behaviors thoroughly (and these are not taught in school) and who engage unthinking in feminine behavior are but pale shadows of who they could be as men. Current society and culture elevates feminine roles and values and deliberately diminishes masculine roles and values. Young people educated in today’s society are clueless about masculine behaviors. Boys must learn how to become men before they can start to become fully vitalized human beings.

This article posted by permission of author Ron Robinson from his website MaculineVirtues.com

1. Men are action oriented and perform best when they have specific tasks that they can attach a “success or failure” or “yes or no” to.

2. Men have absolutely no relationships skills and therefore need a simple list to follow. This is not meant to be demeaning to us men, it’s just a truth that we are hard wired differently than women and “relationship skills” are not one of the things we’re wired FOR.

So here’s the list!

Be master of your territory
This is a twofold task. The first part is about having an area or place in your home that’s ONLY yours. It could be as simple as a drawer in your bureau but more than likely it will be the garage, a room in the basement, something like that. You make it clear that NO ONE is to enter it without your permission. Keep it exactly the way YOU want to keep it. It’s an extension of you where you can go and be yourself and NOT have to be socially acceptable, clean smelling, watch your language or be politically correct. The other benefit is that it’s a way to separate from the rest of the family when you need some down time, or “cave” time. Make sure you don’t do anything to “encourage” encroachment. Strange smells leaking uptstairs from your basement lair will encourage the woman of your dreams to sneak in and use some sweet smelling spray.

The second area of your territory is to know what you’re responsible for, and more importantly, what you’re NOT responsible for. This is all about trust and cooperation. Examples might be who brings home the bacon? Who pays the bills? Who decides what school junior goes to? If you’re married, you probably already have these mapped out, but maybe not consciously. Maybe you and your spouse are having repeated arguments about how long little sally has to stay in time out. Do we spank or not spank, things like that. It pays to know whose territory is whose, not only so you can master yours, but also stay out of hers! I am responsible for the lawn, income into the house, investments, both my businesses and my wife is in charge of household finances, ANY negotiations and our image in church and community. Often times, when we have disagreements, it’s in the area of one of us encroaching upon the other’s domain.

My advice to men is to be liberal about telling your wife what is NOT your territory, but be careful how much you verbally admit to. I always prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to giving my wife anything to hold me accountable for. She’ll make up enough on her own! Again, not a sexist slam, just a reality. You do NOT want to give your woman any more than is absolutely necessary to hold you accountable for.

Give listening time
Give your woman 20-30 minutes of absolutely riveted attention each day. It can be at the beginning, middle or end of the day, or a few minutes here and there. Here’s a clue that you’re NOT doing this. “You NEVER listen to me!!”, or “What did I just say??” - If your wife is constantly complaining that you don’t listen, or testing to see if you ARE listening, guess what? You’re probably not listening! That’s the wonderful thing about wives. They WILL tell us exactly what they need if we learn to listen. Not what they WANT, but what they need! The benefit is always found by listening to the “action”. What are you telling your wife when you stop what you’re doing and make her the center of your attention? That she’s important to you and that what she’s saying is also important to you. Which leads us to …

Be keeper of her self esteem
Want a sure fire way of keeping your married life nice and calm and pleasant, as well as have a doting, happy wife? Only create self esteem building words and actions. A wife can ONLY love you as much as she loves her self AND she can only accept as much love from YOU as she has for herself. That’s a simple, absolute formula. When you begin to love her or show her more love than she has for herself, she’ll begin to subconsciously sabotage the relationship. By contributing only self esteem building words and actions to your wife’s life, you’ll enjoy the benefits as much, if not more, than her. One rule to keep in mind is that woman thrive on praise while men thrive on challenge. So different tactics are required, and often you can come up with some great ideas just by using that one simple rule. Here’s a classic; your wife has put on a few pounds and she’s lamented to you to encourage her. From a masculine standpoint you might “challenge” her like you would a friend, but that will only hurt her feelings and lower her self esteem. Using an angle like “Hey, those workouts are REALLY starting to pay off, honey” will work MUCH better than “Hey, put that twinkie down, you want to get as big as a house?!”

Cooperate without Selling Out
This is vitally important, but filled with nuances and traps. This is about cooperating and compromising on things that are unimportant to you while maintaining your “terms” as a man. Vacation plans, helping around the house while your wife is working extra hours, being nice to the in-laws. The key here is “what can I do to make my wife happy without handing over my balls?”

Let her know what’s going on without dumping the emotion
Since the sixties, the “sensitive man” has come to be a household name. This man, when telling his wife how his day went, likes to share his anger, his fears, his insecurities as well as his triumphs and kills. For the benefit of the third entity, I advise men to simply deliver a more cleaner, polished, “woman friendly” product. Take the emotion out of it. It is NOT a good idea to share the ENERGY of your feelings with your woman. She needs a rock, someone who’s the “same” no matter what’s going on. (don’t ask her if this is true, if she’s a modern woman, she’ll tell you it’s not and that she needs you to be expressive and in touch with your feelings. Don’t blame her, she doesn’t know any better!)
When you “go deep” with your feelings with your woman, it scares her a little. She can’t go that deep with you, and the BIG one … she will most likely take SOMETHING you say personally, which violates #3 (be keeper of her self esteem). In addition, when you dump negative emotions on her, you’re exposing your weaknesses and that’s just not a good practice in a male female committed relationship. That’s what your “men” are for. You DO, however, need to LET HER KNOW what’s going on with you. She is the “relationship manager” and she needs that information much like the CEO of a corporation needs to know how sales and profits are doing to make his decisions. Here’s an example of an emotional vs. “cleaned and polished” version.

My boss has REALLY been riding me, and I don’t know HOW much longer I can take it. Everybody else seems to get ahead at that office and this guy really has it out for me.
Here we have a little whining to start off with. (weakness when she needs a rock), you’re frightening her with the comment “I don’t know how much longer I can take it”. Translation: I might come home tomorrow and tell you we no longer have money coming into the house. Weakness. (I’m the only one who doesn’t get ahead, therefore I must be weaker than the rest).

Honey, if I seem a little on edge this week, it’s been a hard week, boss is giving me grief, deadlines and all that garbage. Not a problem, it’s not you, and it’ll all be better next week. I love you!
Here you’ve given her the tools she needs to “manage” your relationship. She’ll probably egg you on for a little more detail, but don’t give it to her. She’ll be grateful whether she admits it or not. You’ve shown her your strength by being able to deliver such news without “needing” any sympathy from her, you’ve assured her there’s nothing to worry about and that it’s “finite” (all be better next week).

Try this as a 30 day excercise. Let her know how things are going, say once a week or more if needed, and keep your insecurities, doubts, fear and anger out of it.

Give her great sex
Give your lady the best sex you can give. If you have a LOT of sex, at least take time on a regular basis to make it “world class” and all about her. (Yeah, I know, you ALWAYS give world class sex, me too! grunt, hoo-ah!) If you have it once a week, once a month, then ALWAYS make it your best. For men, it’s about getting laid. When we’re in a great mood, it’s about getting laid, when we’re feeling needy and insecure, it’s about getting laid, when it’s raining, hailing, sunny or mercury’s in retrograde, it’s about getting laid. (Isn’t it elegantly simple being a man?). For women, their self esteem is connected. Remember, women have relationship skills, so they’re using the quality of the sex as one more measure of the “status” of the relationship. Women subsconsciously know that you just want to get laid, so by making it all about “them”, they now subconsciously know that they are important enough to you to slow down and focus on them. I’m lucky in this respect in that it’s always given me more pleasure to pleasure my wife than to receive it. Something about seeing her … oh, hi honey, didn’t see you standing there!! Oh, nothing, just writing in my journal … uh, are you busy in a few minutes???

So slow down, learn to LOVE spending time pleasuring just HER - (I think you know what I’m talking about - it rhymes with beating pushy). Make it about loving her, showing her as much pleasure as you can stand.

Regularly do things to show her how much you love her.
This is alot of fun, but it can be daunting if you make it more complicated than you need to. Every so often, on a regular basis, do something outrageous that shows your woman that she is cared for, important and the love of your life. Again, this falls in line with women’s unconscious understanding that this is “hard” and “undesirable” activity for men. The fact that we got out of our own way and made it happen appeals to women on many levels.

1. They “get” that we love them and work hard to show them (great for self esteem)
2. They “get” that we’re multi dimensional and can get OUT of our comfort zone all by ourselves
3 They “get” that we’re just great guys!!

The possibilities are endless, but these are the things that go into the “relationship bank” of the “third entity” as deposits and make the relationship stronger and stronger. By doing these things on a regular basis, and “tracking” yourself, you can honestly and accurately know in any given moment how you’re “doing” in your relationship. If your relationship ends, and you KNOW you’ve done the above with any measure of excellence, you can rest assured that you’ve done your best.

The source of this reaction, context or “reflex” if you will is the need to be right, and it’s first cousin “the fear of looking bad or fear of rejection”. Every word that comes out in a social setting is one more opportunity for our percieved identity to be ripped down, piece by piece, until finally the “real us” stands there naked, scared and cold to be rejected by the masses as “ordinary” and “unloveable”.

Sound melodramatic? Maybe, but it’s pretty close to how we operate in our lives. Reflect on how you speak of others, especially after a social gathering like an office party, dinner out with your favorite couple, etc.

What we develop as a defense mechanism are tools such as “I already know that”. Meaning, I am as good as you, you cannot teach me anything, because if you did, that would mean I am “less” than you in some way. Ah, the ego’s glorious game! So the effect is that our mind becomes “closed”. We act like we listen, might even remember the “content” of the conversation for a few hours, but eventually our ego sweeps away the remains of the lesson like so much debris and the lesson is lost.

So I encourage you to spend 7 days being aware of, and gently refraining from, letting people know that you ALREADY KNOW THAT. It will be like writing with your left hand at first, I promise you. I already do the excercise on and off throughout the month and it’s a collosal effort. ESPECIALLY when I arleady DO KNOW that, and some pompous ass is lecturing me like a child!! Great excercise though and this is one of those “personal development” excercises that WILL YIELD results. Period, end of discussion. Please let me know how it goes!

1. Be an island unto yourself
This means basically to be able to be independent in all important areas, such as financially, emotionally and even sexually. Stated the opposite way, “do not “NEED” your woman in any way”. This does not ELIMINATE the possibility of having a wife who works while you stay home with the children and other similar arrangements, but again, it’s more of a “where are you at” situation. If you’re feeling resentful or competitive with your “financially superior” wife, then you are NOT and island unto yourself. This is really about “needs” and “neediness”.

2.Be clear about the reasons you are getting married.
There are really only TWO reasons for a MAN to get married. These are the only reasons that are not “fear based” or “needy”, like being alone, companionship, etc. They are “To be a mother to your children”, and “The unconditional acceptance and love of a woman”. The first is pretty simple. You need someone to raise your children, nurture them, be an expert at the art of “relationship”, which you are not. The second is a bit more esoteric, but just as powerful. When you have a woman by your side who adores and worships you, it gives you strength and power and desire to be MORE. The best marriages I’ve seen have partners who make each other want to be better husbands and wives. This is the concept here. When a woman treats his man with respect and gushes over him and adores him and makes him feel like a million bucks waiting for change, he’ll want to go out and MAKE a million bucks and not even wait for the change!!! Treating a man like he’s always coming up a little short usually leads to a man who does just that. Comes up a little short. Why try harder with a woman you can’t please? I’ve had both situations and I’m with a woman now who worships the ground I walk on and I gotta tell you, I can’t be stopped!!

3. Know what you’re getting into!
Does this woman fit in with who you are as a man? Is it actually going to IMPROVE your life? Are you compromising anything about yourself to get into the marriage? It should be BETTER to be in the marriage than NOT be in the marriage. Will this woman surrender and trust you or will she fight you every inch of the way? Do you find yourself “explaining” or “defending” her alot? I know a musician friend of mine who has a whole litany and story about the reasons his wife is so miserable. It’s amazing, and you know right away it’s not the first time he’s recited it. He’s also a GREAT man for doing this, now that he’s married and has 2 little boys. He’s surrendered to the situation he’s in and he’s committed. KNOW who you are and the kind of woman you want to be with. Don’t get side tracked by great sex or movie star looks.